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It was the day before Mother's Day that Susan Lorne's world fell apart.
It was a normal morning; the kind where you slept in, made coffee, and settled into the comfortable chair to listen to NPR while you finished waking up. Mornings like this, she didn't even miss her ex-husband.
Her morning was interrupted by the doorbell; she rose to answer the door, curious as to who would be visiting on a Saturday morning. She knew it couldn't be either of her daughters; they were driving over for brunch the next day with their families. Mike still wasn't speaking with her even though a year had passed since the divorce, so he wasn't an option. Her friends knew better than to visit before noon on Saturdays without prior warning. That left Nick; and the last two times he'd visited it had been unannounced, so that made sense. Having come to a satisfactory conclusion, she made her way to the door and opened it with a smile.
What she found was David, Nick's lover. He looked ready to collapse, and she put her questions out of her mind for the moment, pulling him into her arms. He hugged her tightly, and she could feel him shaking against her. As she held him, she realized that he was very conspicuously alone; Nick was not coming up the walk or off to the side, he was simply not there. That, combined with David's reaction to seeing her, was enough to set off warning bells in the back of her mind. When he finally released her she led him into the kitchen without a word. She moved mechanically through the motions of making a cup of coffee for him and setting it down before she took the seat across from him with her own mug. She could tell from his appearance - pale, and thinner than she had ever seen - that something had happened. She just wasn't sure how bad it was, and she knew that she had to let him compose himself before telling her. She could wait a few minutes. She took heart in the fact that it was David who had arrived, not someone from the Air Force; that meant there was still hope.
She watched as he drank his coffee quietly for a few moments, studying the black liquid intently between sips. Finally, he seemed to come to an inner conclusion and set the mug down. He took a deep breath, but was cut off by a knock at the door. She rose, pausing on her way to the door to squeeze David's shoulder. He looked up at her with a strange look, and spoke in a rush before she released him. "I'm sorry."
She paused, realization sinking in at his words, but before she could react there was another knock at the door. She took a deep breath and pulled herself together, telling herself that it might not be what she thought. David could be apologizing for any number of things. Even in her own mind, the explanation sounded hollow and false. Pasting on what she hoped was a convincing smile, she opened the door.
"Mrs. Susan Lorne?"
The man standing before her was in formal Air Force uniform; her son was dead. The grief she'd been holding back, telling herself that David was having a rough time but Nick was still alive, came bubbling up. She heard someone sobbing, and belatedly realized the sound was coming from her. She felt someone help her into the living room, and as her vision cleared enough to see she found David crouched in front of her. She took a shuddering breath, trying to regain her equilibrium as she remembered the Air Force officer she had left on her doorstep. She straightened (Grief was no excuse for being inhospitable), and found him staring at David with a look of horror on her face. She felt strangely detached as she watched the men interact.
"Oh, God. Parrish?"
David straightened and stepped away from her, turning to face the officer - a colonel, she now realized. Nick had made Lieutenant Colonel last year, she suddenly remembered. He'd written her about the promotion. "Yes, Colonel Sheppard?"
The name sounded familiar, and she realized that this was the Sheppard that Nick had mentioned in his letters; she remembered that he had admired the man greatly. That very same man looked like he was about to be sick in her living room. "I... I had no idea." The colonel moved to sit down in the first chair he found, the ancient over-stuffed La-Z-Boy. She was taken aback, and about to intercede. Her boy was dead, she would not allow this man - she didn't care who he was - to speak badly of his choices. David was another matter, though no less important; if she focused on his welfare, she could ignore her own pain for the moment. Before she could speak up, the colonel spoke again. There was pain evident in his voice, and it made her reconsider. "Why didn't he tell me? I mean, everyone knew about me and McKay, it wasn't like I'd have said anything."
David's face hardened. "Not everyone has the flexibility you do, Colonel. Your place is there, you're too important for them to drag you back to Earth. He was an artificial; do you know what it would have done to him if he'd been reassigned? He had a career to worry about. He was..." She saw him take a shaky breath. "Ten more months, John. He was ten months from his twenty." The comment 'artificial' caught her attention, but she couldn't place it. She couldn't imagine what it would be; her son had never needed so much as a crown. Something about Nick's last visit came to mind; quiet discussions that she'd half heard when Nick had succumbed to a migraine the day before the two had left.
Sheppard looked appalled. "God, Parrish, did he really think I would have allowed that?" He stood, beginning to pace the length of the living room in obvious anxiety. She thought if it had been any other day she would have felt sorry for him. As it was, she only felt numb.
David shrugged. "You can't save everyone, Colonel, and he couldn't take the risk. The program was his life, Atlantis was his life. If Caldwell filed a report, what could you have done? It was a blurry line on whether Caldwell could make that kind of call, and no one successfully fights a Don't Ask allegation; you know that." She blinked. Atlantis? What kind of a project title was that? Not that it mattered anymore, but she would have to ask David in time.
Sheppard paused, shoulder's slumping; he looked remarkably like a kicked puppy, eyes full of sadness and pain. He turned to face them both, still focused on David. "I would have protected him, somehow. I... I understand the reasoning, I do. I just wish I didn't have to." Something changed in his expression, and he seemed to remember that she was there as well. He visibly straightened, and she recognized the standard 'military mask' that Nick had worn a time or two. "Mrs. Lorne. I regret to inform you of the death of your son, Nicholas Lorne, in the service of his country."
Colonel Sheppard remained well into the evening, telling her of the version of Nick that he had known, and after he left she and David spoke quietly over a bottle of old scotch that she'd held onto in the divorce. Their conversation was finally halted by the chiming of the grandfather clock in the living room corner. Midnight.
It was Mother's Day, and things would never be the same again.
~ Finis ~