The Newcomer's List

25 Things to Know if you Transfer to the Ripples Version of Atlantis
Indirect Corollary to the 25 Things to Remember if Reassigned to Earth Pamphlet
Thanks to Nora Bombay, Laura, and Alexi for their input.

No sex in the Jumper Bay.
Don't talk to the 'terminal blonds' in IT. Trust us on this one.
You've got the ATA-gene now. Woo-hoo. You still have to remember to flush the toilet.
Sarah McKay can kill you with her brain.
Sex pollen is not a joke, it is not a euphemism, and it is not an urban legend. Please take the memos seriously.
Atlantis has two official languages, English & Ancient. Free courses in the latter are available; take advantage of them.
Whenever off-world, you are vegetarian. It's easier than finding out if dinner was sentient. You are now, officially, Kosher.
The smaller your coworker, the harder they hit. Especially the women.
The more innocuous the native population of a planet, the bigger the guns they're hiding. Be nice to their daughters, and for the love of the ancestors, don't flirt.
Karaoke is strictly forbidden in populated areas of the city.
Keep it in your pants. Everyone's looking for genetic material; you really don't want to know what some of these planets will do with yours.
Whenever something blows up, first ask the scientists. Then ask the kids. If both are convincingly innocent, check with the military.
Don't get injured in the line of duty. Anyone regularly assigned to an off-world team that ends up on medical leave is automatically transferred to Drop-In Center Staff until they're cleared for active duty. Lie, cheat, do whatever you have to do to stay on active duty. You can't handle these kids.
No matter how good she looks in that skirt, Sarah McKay is still off-limits.
If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, it is probably poisonous/deadly/sentient/sacred to the locals. It can probably also kill you in your sleep by blinking funny. Stay far, far away.
Just because it's big, hairy, and roars periodically doesn't mean it wants to eat you. It may just have a cold.
It may also be your hand-to-hand combat instructor.
No sex in the Puddle Jumpers.
Don't move the potted plants without warning. Many expedition members have a 100% justified fear of strange foliage.
It started as a kiddie prank, and resulted in a full-scale epidemic lock down.
If you stumble on a group of well-behaved, quiet children, be very concerned. Immediately call in a battalion of marines to search the nearby rooms.
Don't drink the stuff Halling calls "mead". Fermentation in the Pegasus Galaxy results in something that's a close cousin to ethanol; it's not ethanol. You have a 1-shot tolerance. Get used to it.
If you get tapped to organize movie night, make sure to post accurate warnings for Horror, Sci-Fi, and Romantic Comedy. This is one case where 'tis better to ask permission than forgiveness.
Never trust anyone who glows in the dark. At least not further than the weakest member of your team can throw them.
If Zelenka starts bitching about the pressure change, call the command tower. Immediately.
Don't drink anything unless it has been analyzed by the biochem department. This means all off-world liquor, tea, and juice. Anything served in Atlantis is safe (enough).
Yes, you have just joined the ranks of the Pegasus Prudes. Your dignity will thank you for it later.
Never, ever, go into the greenhouses alone. EVER!!