Bonding: a close personal relationship that forms between people
A/N: This is a 'missing scene' from Letters
to a John Doe, set in August, 2007.
Clocking in around 2000 words
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While awaiting his turn to disembark the Daedalus, Major Nick Lorne reflected that it would be
nice to have someone he was coming home to. Really coming home to. Oh, he loved the city. And the job totally had
its perks, when it wasn't trying to kill you. He'd done the math once, and realized that there was
something like a 60% chance of winding up in the infirmary following a 'routine' mission. So, yeah,
drawbacks. But then you looked at this massive floating city, and you thought about the way a certain
set of eyes lingered on recent bruises, and you decided it was totally worth it.
Nick wished he could see those eyes right now. He knew it was unlikely; things had been awkward when he
was shipped back to Earth for leave. While the sex was great, and having a warm body next to him made
sleeping easier, neither he nor David were in a position where they wanted a picket fence or a golden
retriever. Work came first, sleep came second, and when there was spare time there was tension release.
Nick didn't kid himself that it was anything more than that, even if it had been going on for six months now.
Even if, just sometimes, David held him instead of the other way around.
When he finally made it off-ship and onto the pier, Nick skimmed the crowd of faces for his botanist of
choice; he didn't see him anywhere. Nick sighed and hefted his duffel, deciding a real shower was in
order before he checked in with the Lt. Colonel. He wasn't technically back on duty until tomorrow, active
or otherwise (he was scheduled for an exam in the infirmary at 0900 to be cleared for active duty,
shoulder permitting). Checking in was always a good move, though. He took a right at the first intersection he came to, and managed to get
a transporter all to himself. When the doors opened, he found himself unconsciously walking towards
David's quarters; the need to make sure the man was still in one piece greater than either exhaustion or
even the siren call of real hot water.
He came to a halt outside of the familiar doors and debated for a moment. What if David didn't want to
see him? He'd been gone two months, that was a long time out here. Then he shook his head, annoyed with
himself for acting the part of a thirteen year old girl. They'd been friends (kind of) when this had
started. Nothing to worry about. He raised his free hand and knocked gently. No answer. He knocked
again, more forcefully; still no answer. Nick glanced around the hallway before placing his palm on the
door control and willing it open. As he stepped inside he realized that there was a very logical reason
why David hadn't answered. He wasn't home.
Feeling like an idiot, Nick scribbled a short note on a post-it from the pack he'd swiped off a
distracted sergeant at SGC and left it stuck to the cup that served as a watering can. The one place
that Dr. David Parrish, dedicated botanist, wouldn't miss it.
Mission accomplished, or at least not completely botched, Nick headed to his own rooms with a yawn. The
yawn caused him to revise his estimates of proceedings for the evening. It was almost 2400; the
Daedalus had landed near the beginning of Delta Shift, not Beta as he'd assumed. 'David must be
communing in Hydroponics. Nothing else is open this late, unless you count the gym.' Nick dismissed
the thought; David would be easy enough to find tomorrow. Sleep was sounding really good about now.
Nick shifted his duffel and ran his hand over the access panel outside his room. A moment later the door
opened. As he entered, he dropped his duffel in surprise, completely missing the sound of the doors
closing behind him. There, in the middle of his bed, lay David. The scientist was curled up,
gripping a pillow tightly and making quiet, unhappy noises. Nick paused a moment, then removed his boots
and jacket and crawled in next to him. Questions and showers could wait for the morning. This was where
he needed to be now. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
* * *
When David Parrish woke up, he felt warm and comfortable for the first time in almost two months. He
smiled softly, knowing who lay behind him on the bed. He'd missed Nick, missed being held. After Nick
had gotten hurt dragging him to safety, he hadn't been sure he'd ever feel this again. Nick had been
shipped out before they could talk seriously about the matter. Because it was a serious matter.
Protecting the team was Nick's job. They both understood that. But when push came to shove, David came
before Simpson or Williams. That was going to get people killed. Nick loved his job, and David didn't
want to put him in the position of having to ask for a transfer because he was sleeping with his botanist.
Lt. Colonel Sheppard was easy-going, had the child to prove it even, but there were only so many ways
to write up a 'personnel conflict' that didn't look bad. So David had gone to Sheppard himself and asked
for reassignment or replacement. Nick had been pissed, although he knew it was the right thing. After that,
the week before the Daedalus had taken Nick home had been awkward and stilted.
David hoped that the time apart might have calmed them both down. Well, he wasn't sure his current state
was 'calm', but having Nick curled up in bed with him was a good indicator that things were back where
they should be. He hoped they would stay that way. He had just settled in to enjoy the embrace when
Nick tightened his grip and one of his hands pressed a little too firmly against David's stomach. With
the economy of motion that comes from long experience, David was out of bed and in the bathroom before
Nick knew he was awake.
As Nick was sitting up and trying to figure out what had happened, David was attempting to walk that
middle ground between deep and shallow breathing that didn't set off another round of heaves. Just when
he'd gotten it under control (he was getting better, it used to take half an hour), Nick knocked on the
door. "Dave? Are you all right?"
David bit off the obvious retort and took another cautiously deeper breath before replying. "I'll be out
in a minute." He paused, pondering his readiness for the coming discussion, then concluded it wouldn't
get any easier with time. "We need to talk."
Nick winced; that phrase was never good. Women used it when they wanted to tell you that it was 'make or
break' time. Men just used it for break time. Long breaks. That involved one of you transferring
elsewhere. That wasn't what he wanted for the two of them. Not at all. With the prospect of ending
things, he was beginning to realize how much he didn't want to. He returned to the bed and pulled his
legs up, sitting cross-legged and settling in for the coming horror. Because discussions that started
with 'We need to talk' were always horrific.
David emerged several minutes later, having taken the time to brush his teeth and compose himself. He
saw Nick sitting on the bed looking apprehensive, and if his heart hadn't been pounding so hard he would
have felt bad for his lover. As it was, David was having trouble not bolting for the bathroom again.
Nick looked up as David came over and moved the pillow so he could settle comfortably at the head of the
bed, putting them eye to eye. David took a deep breath, preparing to speak, but Nick beat him to it.
"Dave, are you all right? Really all right? Have you thought about seeing Dr. Beckett?" Nick made a
vague gesture that managed to encompass both the bathroom and David's alarmingly pale face. The botanist
was fair to begin with, but now that Nick saw him in full lighting he looked plain unhealthy
David winced. This wasn't exactly how he'd planned to approach the topic. Not like there was an SOP for
this particular topic, but he'd spent the last several nights trying to plan this out. "That's what I
needed to talk to you about, Nick."
Nick bit his lip, obviously concerned, but waited for David to continue. David was unreasonably grateful
for the silence.
David gestured toward the bathroom. "This has been going on, off and on, since you left." David held
up a hand to forestall any comments that might bring. "It's not like you're thinking. At least
I don't think so. Then last week a bunch of the marines came down with a stomach flu and I figured
'what the hell, not like I don't have similar symptoms' and went down to the infirmary. I didn't have
what they had."
Nick continued to worry his lower lip, trying very hard to ignore the tense feeling that was building
somewhere in the vicininty of his heart. "What exactly did you have, David? You're starting to
scare me here. And that's generally reserved for aliens with teeth more than an inch long." The attempt at
humor drew a small smile, but then David's face returned to its former pensive expression. Nick reached
over and took his hand. "Please, just stop the drama and tell me what's wrong."
David squeezed his lover's hand tightly for a moment, then released it and turned to stare at the wall.
"I'm pregnant."
The words came out surprisingly easily, even though he had been rehearsing this in his mind since Dr. James
had given him the news. He'd been rehearsing Nick's reactions, too. But the one you don't expect
is always the one that happens. He risked a glance at Nick's face to try to gauge what was coming. It
seemed to cycle through relief to puzzlement to concern.
"David, are you sure they're not pulling your leg? I mean, I know this isn't impossible. We've got
Sarah McKay as evidence enough. But...but..." He finally met David's eyes, pleading for an explanation.
David knew exactly how he felt. "But I don't even have the gene. And I haven't participated in any
strange alien ceremonies. And I'm too normal. Believe me, I tried all of them on Dr. Beckett.
Apparently reality took a sharp left about a week ago. The medical staff is as confused as I am."
Nick was the one who broke eye contact this time, looking down as he shifted position on the bed. His voice
was unusually quiet when he finally spoke. "How far along?"
"Um, Dr. James said two months, give or take a week or two."
"Healthy?"
David studied Nick's profile, trying to figure out what was going on inside his lover's mind. Nick's
voice was calm and measured, giving no indication of how freaked out he was. Which David thought might
be a very good indication in and of itself. When Nick reached over and nudged him, David realized he'd
forgotten to answer. "As far as she can tell. She doesn't really know anymore than we do at this
point. She's only been here a month or two. The Daedalus before you left." David reached
over and gently caught Nick's chin and forced their eyes to meet. "Nick, talk to me. Please."
Nick took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly before responding. "I never planned for this, you know?
I mean, you're great and this relationship turned out to be more than I ever expected, but you don't
plan for what you can't have. That way, it hurts less when you don't get it. Part of me wants this so
much; a chance for some strange kind of normal with you for the rest of my life. It looks at Lt. Colonel
Sheppard and says, 'Hey, that can work.' But the other part of me is screaming for my career, for me to
take a look at the real world." Nick caught David's gaze voluntarily.
"So the truth? Is that I don't know how I feel about this. And that's even assuming it's safe for you. And that you want it, that we
might actually have a chance of still speaking to each other in twenty years if we go through with this."
David reached over and pulled him close, holding Nick tightly. "I don't know either. And I think that scares
me more than anything. I... I never planned for being a parent. Mine weren't exactly the best role models
and I didn't see the point in subjecting a child to that. Realizing I was gay was almost a relief. Except
now I have the option, and I don't know what to do with it."
Nick shifted and stretched out, pulling David down beside him until they were lying intertwined on the
bed. His voice was quietly amused when he finally spoke. "We sound like a couple of teenagers. All
worries and angst and emotional mayhem. Maybe we should just see where this runs." He threaded his fingers
through David's, studying the long tapering lengths. "Hell, we signed on for the Atlantis Expedition.
We're already taking part in one of the biggest experiments ever, what's one more thing in the mix?"
The tone was light-hearted, but David could hear the question clearly enough. "I hadn't thought of it
in those terms, but you're right. We don't know where we'll be in five years, but we'll never know
unless we try." He settled his cheek against Nick's shoulder, curling around the other man to compensate
for his height. "I'm willing to try."
"Me too."
- - - - - - - - - -
The next day the two met with Dr. Laura James, Atlantis' resident OB/GYN, to discuss possible
complications. Their son James was born roughly seven months later.
~ Finis ~
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